Abstract: Although much has been written about domestic violence offenders and victims, little attention has been paid to how the offenders themselves describe distressing partner behaviors. What types of partner behaviors might precipitate battering behavior, and how do the offenders appear to perceive and interpret partner behaviors which they identify as distressing? The researcher interviewed men who had been convicted of domestic violence. She interviewed each participant who was included in this study twice. The first interview explored the participant's family history focusing on their experiences of abuse and violence within their families of origin. The second interview focused on things that partners or former partners had done that participants identified as distressing and why they found them distressing. They also filled out questionnaires and a part of the Conflict Tactics Scale. Participants were recruited through an advertisement in an advertising mailer. Eight men who met inclusion criteria successfully completed both interviews. The men were forthcoming in their interviews, revealing considerable detail in their personal relationships, not all of it flattering. There was considerable variation in the level of insight these men appeared to demonstrate about both their own and their partners' behaviors. While the men identified potentially distressing behaviors on the Conflict Tactics Scale, they often did not mention these behaviors during their interviews. It was usually fairly easy to understand why the behaviors they did describe as distressing might be so. What was more difficult to understand was why the men remained in their relationships as long as they did. Participants all talked about pain they experienced in ending a relationship. The majority also talked about wanting to help their partners or former partners with problems they sometimes appeared to view as somewhat beyond their partners' control. The majority of the participants described partners who appeared to have been suffering from some significant emotional disturbance. The diversity of the participants suggested that research formulations of domestic violence offenders may be overly simplified. The men's behavior in talking about painful partner behaviors had several clinical implications. However, the men interviewed were almost certainly not representative of all domestic violence offenders.